How do you escape a narcissist?
Nov 07, 2019
The heart and the gut never lie (thank goodness) - they always speak the truth, whereas the head brain has learned very well to rational-lies away the unacceptable behaviour of the narcissist.
Exploring Narcissism (part 2)
The thing with understanding and managing narcissistic behaviour, is to understand that if you are currently in a toxic relationship (with partner or family members or anyone else) and have not yet understood how this dynamic works, or not yet recognized what is happening, you will be stuck in DOUBT, CONFUSION and FEAR.
This is the battle between the head brain (which rationalizes away the narcissists' behaviour - RATIONAL LIES)... and the heart and the gut brains (which speak the truth, but we are afraid and unable to listen or correctly interpret the feedback), leaving us stuck (in the doubt, confusion and fear).
This confusion is the result of prior trauma - 99% of the time from childhood - which set up a breakdown in communication inside of us, causing us to no longer TRUST our inner instincts or know what is right for us. It's like we have a short-circuit in our brain and an inability to see the truth of the situation or deal with it.
But the heart and the gut never lie (thank goodness) - they always speak the truth, whereas the head brain has learned very well to rational-lies away the unacceptable behaviour of the narcissist.
The solution is we have to start to TRUST what our body intelligence (via the heart and gut brains) are telling us, to LISTEN to what feels right for us, even if that feels unfamiliar and scary. And it will feel scary at first. Very scary.
We can oscillate for months, maybe even years, before standing up to our perpetrator, because the fears run so deep. But eventually, there will likely be a 'last straw moment' where we will have had enough. Or someone will say something which will OPEN OUR EYES to the truth, and we will see things differently for the first time.
Exiting and or managing dysfunctional relationships is no easy task, but the body will not stop sending the feedback we need to do so (via stress, anxiety, fear, even physical symptoms) until we have done so, because our body's priority is safety, happiness and health.
My wake up call was reading the book 'Men who hate women, and the women who love them'. It's a great read and I highly recommend. (note: it could easily be 'women who hate men...' it goes both ways).
If you are in a narcissistic relationship, things you must learn and do include:
- Creating clear boundaries
- Saying no (to others)
- Speaking your truth
- Stopping guilt
- Saying yes (to you)
- Prioritizing yourself
- Communicating your feelings and needs with others honestly
- Increasing your self-care
- Healing past trauma
To learn how to deal with narcissistic people see the EAA 'Emotional Empowerment' program.
It will teach you everything you need to know about all of the above, and more.
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