Why Self-care is an unbeautiful thing

self care Nov 30, 2019

"A world in which self-care has to be such a trendy topic is a world that is sick. Self-care should not be something we resort to because we are so absolutely exhausted that we need some reprieve from our own relentless internal pressure". -Brianna Wiest

The Secrets to Health

In 30 years of exploring the secrets to health, there is not a shred of doubt in my mind that SELF CARE is one of the top 3 behaviours we MUST engage in if we are looking to:

  • reverse symptoms of illness
  • prevent illness
  • maintain and optimize health
  • feeling good about ourselves
  • grow healthy self-worth, self-confidence and self-value

This is why my self-help programs involve a healthy dose of self care!

So I'd like to share this blog which describes self-care beautifully. True self care may not be what you think! Let's look at what it really is... (this is excerpted from a blog by Brianna Wiest)

On considering what true Self Care is...

It is spreadsheet of your debt, and enforcing a morning routine, and cooking yourself healthy meals, and no longer just running from your problems and calling the distraction a solution.

It is often doing the ugliest thing that you have to do

  • like sweating through another workout
  • or telling a toxic friend you don’t want to see them anymore
  • or getting a second job so you can have a savings account
  • or figuring out a way to accept yourself so that you’re not constantly exhausted from trying to be everything, all the time and then needing to take deliberate, mandated breaks from living to do basic things like drop some oil into a bath and read Marie Claire and turn your phone off for the day.

A world in which self-care has to be such a trendy topic is a world that is sick. Self-care should not be something we resort to because we are so absolutely exhausted that we need some reprieve from our own relentless internal pressure.

True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake, it is making the choice to build a life you don’t need to regularly escape from.

And that often takes doing the thing you least want to do.

It often means looking your failures and disappointments square in the eye and re-strategizing. It is not satiating your immediate desires.

It is letting go.

It is choosing new.

It is disappointing some people.

It is making sacrifices for others.

It is living a way that other people won’t, so maybe you can live in a way that other people can’t.

It is letting yourself be normal. Regular. Unexceptional.

It is sometimes having a dirty kitchen and deciding your ultimate goal in life isn’t going to be having abs and keeping up with your fake friends.

It is deciding how much of your anxiety comes from not actualizing your latent potential, and how much comes from the way you were being trained to think before you even knew what was happening.

If you find yourself having to regularly indulge in consumer self-care, it’s because you are disconnected from actual self-care, which has very little to do with “treating yourself” and a whole lot do with parenting yourself and making choices for your long-term wellness.

It is no longer using your hectic and unreasonable life as justification for self-sabotage in the form of liquor and procrastination.

It is learning how to stop trying to “fix yourself” and start trying to take care of yourself… and maybe finding that taking care lovingly attends to a lot of the problems you were trying to fix in the first place.

It means being the hero of your life, not the victim.

It means rewiring what you have until your everyday life isn’t something you need therapy to recover from. It is no longer choosing a life that looks good over a life that feels good.

It is giving the hell up on some goals so you can care about others. It is being honest even if that means you aren’t universally liked.

It is meeting your own needs so you aren’t anxious and dependent on other people.

It is becoming the person you know you want and are meant to be. Someone who knows that salt baths and chocolate cake are ways to enjoy life – not escape from it.”

-Brianna Wiest


Self-Care is Actually Self-Less

By Caitlin Olsen

Does the term self-care feel synonymous with selfish to you? Do you equate time spent on yourself as time taken away from your loved ones? In other words, does time spent doing what you enjoy mean you have lost time to do what others want? Does energy put toward your own goals mean energy is taken away from what matters to others? If you answer yes to any of those questions, you are not alone. Most people -- especially women -- feel tension between being everything to everyone and practicing self-care. Most don’t know how to balance giving and serving with taking and saying no. In fact, some people express feeling like self-care has become another burden, another item on their to-do list, and is accompanied by the thought, “Taking care of myself has become another thing to do and to do well. More pressure.”

The fault in this thought process lies in the meaning of true self-care. Briana Wiest describes self-care not as “salt baths and chocolate cake,” but as “making the decision to build a life you do not need to regularly escape from.” If your life is built on perfection-seeking and is dictated by the perceptions of others, self-care will always feel like an item on your to-do list and another opportunity to fail. True self-care isn’t a task or an achievement, it is a process. True self-care is regularly taking the time to reassess your values, re-examine your life circumstances and make choices that support the alignment of your values with your life. Lots is out of your control; lots is not. Doing what you can about what is in your control is a way to practice self-care. Reading this article (and this one and maybe this one) is another act of self-care. Giving yourself permission to take dedicated time for value assessment and life examination is a way to care for yourself.

And here’s the kicker: the more you care for yourself, the more you can care for others.

For all of you who have built lives based on service:

Dear mothers and fathers, wives and husbands, sisters, brothers, Big Sisters and Big Brothers, bosses, philanthropists, leaders, clergy members, volunteers, aunts, uncles, healthcare workers, crossing guards, teachers, coaches, social service workers, nonprofit founders, food line preppers, tutors, mentors, quilters, bakers, gardeners, growers, supporters, grandparents, great-grandparents, babysitters, special needs specialists, nurses, personal trainers, protest marchers, activists, law enforcers, law defenders, sponsors, and to all the people who have helped all these people… you cannot give what you do not have. You cannot give time if you don’t take some for yourself. You cannot give money if you haven’t gathered some yourself. You cannot give your energy toward others or a cause without getting enough sleep. You cannot give love without soaking up some for yourself. You cannot offer compassion or empathy without first finding and accepting compassion and empathy for yourself.

Self-care is not a nice idea, and it’s not an item to check off your to-do list. Self-care is the only way to take care of others. True self-care is the first step toward true giving. The next time you think about self-care, think about all of the energy, time, money, love, compassion and empathy you’d have. Think about what self-care can give you and therefore what you can offer others. Self-care, it turns out, is the most selfless act of service we can offer.


Useful Resources on building Self Care

If you're serious about upping your self care in the truest sense, here are two of the EAA programs which focus on this in a BIG way:

De-Stress your Life - Refind your Calm 

This program focuses highly on deleting the unhealthy habits which lead to and perpetuate stress. You will learn how to identify and change the unhealthy lifestyle behaviours which have been keeping you stressed and ill, as well as how to increase healthy self care habits to nourish body, mind and Soul.

Emotional Empowerment - Being your Authentic Self

This program, which is all about taking back your power, creating clear boundaries, saying yes to you and no to others, putting a stop to unfair treatment / abuse, and a lot more, has a BIG chunk of self-care practices. Why? Because if we are tolerating unfair treatment from others, or not putting ourselves first, we are going to end up exhausted, frustrated and sick. Self care is Queen!

Read more about these programs at https://emotionalalchemyacademy.com/emotional-alchemy-academy-7-levels



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