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Managing Emotions: The Two Sides of the Coin Approach

ei emotions May 14, 2020

During 30 years of learning and teaching how to manage and resolve emotions, it has become clear to me that there are 2 skills we must learn.

I call these the '2 sides of the coin' approach:

SIDE ONE

Firstly, we need to be able to communicate the truth of how we are feeling with others.

We must speak honestly and openly about our feelings and needs, in order to dispel any emotions which have been building up inside in a healthy way. This is not about 'dumping' our feelings on others - it's purely about speaking and acting our truth, and being authentic. It's quite simply the art of telling people the truth about how we feel. 

When we do this, unhealthy emotional energy which may have been building up inside of us, and which many people often store and hold on to, is released and dissipated. The types of emotions we need to express are feelings like anger, sadness, upset, disappointment, fear, loneliness and more. 

This dispelling of emotions through honest communication prevents the e-motions causing a cellular imbalance, which in turn will eventually cause physical symptoms, as the 'dis-ease' turns into disease.

This is the first side of the coin.

Clients learn how to do this at the EAA through the 'Authentic Me' technique taught in either 1-1 sessions or online programs. (The online trainings in particular which cover this are the EAL4 Emotional Empowerment program and EAL5 Return to Health program).

Whilst this first side of the coin is absolutely essential, especially if we are experiencing physical symptoms, and wish to be able to get rid of those symptoms by clearing the underlying emotions, there is another side to the coin.

SIDE TWO

Sometimes we will need the other side of the emotional-clearing coin: we will need to be able to self-process away our own negative emotions.

Why?

For three reasons in particular:

  1. Sometimes there will still be residual emotions even after we have spoken our truth with others.
  2. Sometimes we are unable to speak our truth, for example, the event is long gone in the past, or the people concerned have passed on, or some other reason
  3. Sometimes our feelings have absolutely nothing to do with anyone else anymore - it's just how we are feeling, usually due to unresolved emotional issues from the past

In this case, we must be able to self-manage and self-clear our emotions. In a way, this is a deeper level of emotional self-responsibility, because on this side of the coin, we are taking 100% responsibility for how we are feeling, and 100% responsibility for clearing the feelings ourselves. This takes skill, training and practice. 

The benefit of the second side of the coin, is that no matter what we are feeling, and no matter the cause of the feelings, we have the power to clear away the emotions. How empowering is that? Totally!

Members of the EAA can learn how to do this in several programs:

EAL1 Foundation Program - learning the theory of emotions, followed by EAL2 Processing Emotions program

MCT Manage Clear and Transform emotions program (similar to EAL2)

 

Which side of the coin to choose and use?

Learning which side(s) of the coin are needed comes with practice. Once the Authentic Me technique is learned, it starts to become apparent when it is needed, and when not. 

Clients also learn that 9 times out of 10, no matter what emotion they are experiencing, its source usually has very little to do with whatever is happening in the present, and everything to do with unresolved pain from the past. This is what I call the 'surface and the deep'.

The 'surface' is the current situation triggering the emotional response, and the 'deep' is the original situation which caused an emotional response which has not yet been cleared from inside the body. Learning to connect the dots is a powerful and revelatory exercise.

Either way, we need to understand the two sides of the coin, and if we are wise, we will especially learn how to self-manage our emotions, so that no matter what is going on, WE have the power to transform how we are feeling. 

This is Emotional Alchemy. 

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